Midlife

Today, I finished reading the book Midlife by Kieran Setiya. The author calls it a philosophical guide. I found parts of it very interesting and relevant to what I’ve experienced in my fifties.

Here is a brief review of the ideas, based on a summary chapter in the book. Life can seem bleak, whether or not this happens in the years that correspond to the middle of a life.

1. First, don’t be too self-involved. Seeking happiness for yourself doesn’t tend to make you more happy. Second, make room in your life for existential value, such as playing games with friends or making art.
2. Midlife can make us feel like we’re “missing out”. As a kid, many possibilities are available to you. While feeling the loss of options is real, ask yourself about the alternative. Don’t overestimate the value of having options. Some outcomes are not what you would prefer.
3. You can be glad of mistakes made in your youth if these mistakes lead you to people you love. Don’t beat yourself up for avoiding risk when the possibility of bad outcomes often feels very real. Try to appreciate what you have now.
4. We are all going to die. Why should “no longer existing” be worse than “not existing before conception”? Being immortal is not part of the human condition, so it’s foolish to long for immortality. Try grieving your mortality ahead of time.
5. The “emptiness of the present” can be felt during midlife. Pursuing projects doesn’t help, because each project ends, either when it’s abandoned or completed. “Projects are telic.” Any meaning associated with doing a project ends when the project ends. A possible solution is to “invest more fully in atelic activities.” Go for a walk. Spend time with friends. Find meaning in the act of writing rather than in a specific writing project. Value the process of doing what you do. Use mindfulness to become more process-oriented. Learn to live in the present!

While I’ve never read Schopenhauer’s work, he is presented as the philosopher who recognized the difficulty in finding meaning in projects that must end. Because I think of myself as a project person, this chapter is particularly relevant to my experience.

I like the idea of finding meaning in writing or playing piano no matter what script or song happens to be my current project.

Thanks, Kieran Setiya!